One Week Out

Today is Monday,  January 5, 2009.  Tomorrow will be my one week anniversary of the surgery. Yes, I did my homework.  Yes, I went to support groups.  I am on Obesity Help religiously.  I am prepared for everything that is going to happen.  What I really missed was the stuff from this first week.  It seems that everyone kinda leaves that part out.  

Here are a few things I wish I would have known prior to December 30th at 7:30 a.m.

• Pooping and Farting are my friends.  Also, you never know how much you miss your friends until they don't come around!
  
• Before surgery, you drank all kinds of water so you could prepare for life after surgery.  Don't bother.  It's crazy hard!  The cliche of "sip, sip, sip" should be modified to read "never be without a water bottle strapped to your hand".  
• I miss chewing.  I would sell my soul for a cracker or some granola or a potato chip.
• I haven't had a real shirt on in a week.  It's kind of liberating.
• If you have to option of taking it in your IV or crushing it,  TAKE IT IN YOUR IV!!!!
• This is not a race.  Stay in the hospital until you are sure you can do this on your own.  
• Where are you going to sleep when you get home?  Please have an idea about this.  Not so much on the bed for the first night.
• Never trust a fart. 
• No one warned me about the hemorroids. My ass is killing me!
• There is no such thing as "girly", "dainty", "independent" or "cute" for at least a week. Don't even plan on it!
• They put staples in your skin.  It freaks me out a bit.
• this "70 grams of protein" thing is impossible when you can only eat about 2 tablespoons of food at a time.  I am going to continue to work on it but, geez

I know this will all get better because really, it can't possibly be worse than it was when I was puking up this nasty substance that looked like beef broth and smelled like fishy death.  I must remember, I am doing this for my long term health.  This will free me.  

I will be stronger because of this!